Partners not invited to wedding.

[Fr3d]

So a good friend from school is getting married soon, was told they could only extend an invitation to me and not my partner (long term, the groom knows her) on the grounds they have a limited budget and haven't seen her in a long time.

At first I understood weddings aren't cheap, but there more I thought about it, it kind of annoys me. Annoys me too much to put in the little things that annoy you thread. Mrs is not happy at the whole thing, as she is pretty traditional with a high level of ettiquete. I always assumed if one partner is invited to a wedding, the other other half gets an invite too provided they are a long term/serious item. We've both been invited to weddings where one of us hasn't really known the bride/groom.

Informed the best man last night that I won't be at the bucks party for the above reason, plus I don't want to make it akward for myself and the groom. He agreed it was a crappy siituation and totally understands my reasoning. Planning on RSVP'ing that i'll be a no show for the above reasons.

Mrs really appreciates the support, did a bit of a survey at work and they all unanimously agreed they wouldn't go and would happily give their reasons. Anyone else been in a similar situation, how did it go down?

[volt_bite]

My ex was a bridesmaid and I wasnt invited to the wedding on budget reasons too. I wasn't too happy about it, but its not about you or your partner anyway, its their day.

[Damo 69]

First and foremost, pics of missus

2nd
That’s pretty shit if it’s a long established relationship and there isn’t any bad blood between anyone. But say if it turned out the groom used to be with your missus then you can sort of see some reasoning behind it.

edit: Beaten by Volt on acceptable reason

[MadDocker]

Happened to us and we didn't go to the wedding. No hard feelings between either party.

They probably know you wouldn't go without your partner so it's a nice way of making you feel wanted and included without actually having to pay for your spot.

[Autopilot]

My sister's husband's best man's wife was always a total pingpingpingping to my sister so she wasn't invited. Best man understood that and sucked up his butt hurt as he was reasonable enough to realise his friendship with his mate was too important to sulley his wedding. Perhaps you have slightly different circumstances but the thing is their wedding isn't about you or your missus. If he is a good mate I would be happy that at least I alone was invited to their tight budget wedding.

[Risk10k]

I didn't invite any of my mates to my wedding for the budget reason, after we sunk 20k into just the mrs side I had to draw the line. Invite everyone, or fucking no-one/just family. If you can't afford it, go to Vegas!

[RICEY]

Fuck them, the relationship with your Mrs is more important than someone who doesn't consider you a close enough friend to also invite your partner.

[cplagz]

He'll probably be happier if you don't come, means one less person to pay for :D

[turboknapp]

Currently trying to finalise our wedding list now, so far have drawn the line at no extended family and even not inviting some of the aunties and uncles.
We have mainly invited friends, due to them playing a bigger part in our lives than rellies who only ring when they want something.
In regards to partners etc, well I sympathise with you on that one and I guess you have to make the call on what works best.
It is their day so to speak, but if you partner not being invited is going to grate for you then like you say politely decline I'm sure they'd understand.

[RMX]

Fuck them.

RSVP that you'll attend but no show.

[Fr3d]

1st - Won't be uploading pics, exposing her to become the next insulting internet meme sensation isn't in my best interests. We often went to coffee @ Joe's on Sat mornings, your chance for visual wank bank collection has passed. Sorry :eek:

2nd - I appreciate the fact that it's their day not ours, always its up to them who they choose to invite/not invite. Never had any sort of bad blood or issues between us. Just a miffed about about the whole thing, as a person i've known for 17yrs and been good friends with for 14, would of thought it would have been the courteous thing to do. I'm not in any bridal party positions like some of you have been in, so haven't got that issue to deal with. Appreciate the fact too that i've been invited. Just going to tell him my reasoning, not going to hold anything against him it is what it is he/they can take it what ever way he wants.

One thing is though from an outsider view it may appear we be on/off. Has been a rocky relationship at times so people may not realise that it is is a long term thing, people go through bad times together, us maybe a bit more than some. If he wasn't, a real friend would at least ask what was happening instead of maybe assuming the worst. As Ricey said, it comes down to your friend or partner. We have a lot of mutual friends who I assume would be invited, akward for her if she was the only one not to be invited, would be fun though when asked by people where my Mrs is and replying 'She wasn't invited because they couldn't afford to invite her and they haven't seen her in a while'. The way I see it, going would be showing her disrespect by demonstrating that I tolerate their sort of disrespect to my relationship.

3rd- If was to get married I would invite them both even though I don't know his soon to be wife very well and have only met her once. I very much doubt he would come if I only invited him.

4th- cplagz hehe I know you jest :) But seriously if a friend did a crackhead move as to fuck me off for the sake of a paltry amount of $, i'd rather not know that person :) Who here would sell a long term friend out for ~$100?

Maybe I am being a dick about it, but there more i think of it the more it annoys me.

[MattyP]

Hope you both are going to your mate's ceremony at least, unless the ceremony is also constraint by a budget.

Recently I invited one friend to a wedding, but not their new partner (who I don't know). My invite stated the friend was invited to both ceremony and reception, and that partners were welcome at the ceremony (food and drinks supplied there too). The friend said they could make the ceremony, but if their partner couldn't come to the reception then they wouldn't come to that. Lucky for them, I've had heaps of non-attendance RSVP so the new partner is now welcome.

[turboknapp]

I think your looking at it pretty fairly, end of the day the decision to go or not is up to you.

If the mate getting married takes a no RSVP as a good thing, then you've made the right decision in not going!

[_S9_]

One thing is though from an outsider view it may appear we be on/off. Has been a rocky relationship at times so people may not realise that it is is a long term thing, people go through bad times together, us maybe a bit more than some.

This might explain it then.

If my mate was dating a long term on again/off again woman that kept breaking up and getting back together - I wouldn't invite her either.
Don't need that shit at my wedding.

/playing devil's advocate here, of course. - It's not fair on you really.

[HR31]

Have been in the same situation.

I moved over to WA to be with my now fiance. We have been together for roughly 5 and a half years. 1st year i was still living in Victoria, thus we would take turns flying back and forth.

My best group of friend met her many times over the course of the 1st year, and then whenever we could make time to come back to vic due to my fifo work.

Long story short. One of the close friends was getting married, sent over an invitation to Fiances mothers address (we were living with her) and it was only addressed to me. Questioned it, got a fairly bullshit answer from the friend and his fiance, so i RSVP'd saying that i wouldn't be there due to Amanda not being "allowed" to come.

Never regretted the decision, as like you, for me it would have been awkward, and i personally wouldn't have felt comfortable.

[Butcher]

When i got married, had large parts of the family on both sides that didn't get along so i couldn't pick and choose without pissing people off so in the end i
made the decision to invite no one and piss everyone off. It was just the wife, my son, myself the celebrant and (two witnesses only because i had too) most
people were extremely angry and i just don't speak to them anymore and then there were those that understood why i did it this way and were very happy for
us and chose our friendship over a few hundred dollars worth of food and booze.

For some reason weddings seem to bring the worst out in people. Don't know whether i'm insensitive or just don't have that many fucks to give anymore

[Fr3d]

Hope you both are going to your mate's ceremony at least, unless the ceremony is also constraint by a budget.

Recently I invited one friend to a wedding, but not their new partner (who I don't know). My invite stated the friend was invited to both ceremony and reception, and that partners were welcome at the ceremony (food and drinks supplied there too). The friend said they could make the ceremony, but if their partner couldn't come to the reception then they wouldn't come to that. Lucky for them, I've had heaps of non-attendance RSVP so the new partner is now welcome.

Been to weddings where we were invited to the ceremony, but not the reception, was all good. To be honest I/we won't be at the ceremony for the fact that she isn't on the list at all. If we were in the same situation as your friend has his new partner we would of done the same thing. If she was wanted at the ceremony and/or reception she would of been invited. I don't plan to put pressure on him or go against their wishes to bring someone who wasn't invited.

_S9_ - Agree with you buddy though itss not like we are constantly moving out, seeing other people sort of thing. Always lived together (since we bought our house together) and haven't seen anyone else during the time we were 'together'.

[TJ]

go, get drunk, shit on a table.

Id do.

[thrtytwo]

To be honest, I hate weddings. It's free food and drink yeah, but they are long, boring, you're usually wearing stuffy clothes, everyone wants them when its 40 fucking degrees and you have a river running down your back and I don't really give a fuck about the unification of two people unless they are close friends of mine.

But in your situation that is a bit shitty of them.

[Gr3mlin]

When i got married, had large parts of the family on both sides that didn't get along so i couldn't pick and choose without pissing people off so in the end i
made the decision to invite no one and piss everyone off. It was just the wife, my son, myself the celebrant and (two witnesses only because i had too) most
people were extremely angry and i just don't speak to them anymore and then there were those that understood why i did it this way and were very happy for
us and chose our friendship over a few hundred dollars worth of food and booze.

For some reason weddings seem to bring the worst out in people. Don't know whether i'm insensitive or just don't have that many fucks to give anymore

My mother and step-father went the same way, one of the best weddings just based on the fact that they were not stressed about bullshit things like what flowers to chose for the tables.

[INSINR8R]

It may have come down to budget as to why they only invited you and not her. Weddings are mainly family first then friends after and once you hit your limit, you need to decide who to cut if need be. It's hard, you sit there with a list of 100 or so people and you can only afford 80 (in our case), you have to cut 20+ people you really want at the wedding. So do you just invite them to the ceremony only and not the reception? Or do you not invite them at all? I'm sure they probably felt bad but was something they had to do.

The thing with most places is once you make the final payment, if you have any no shows, they don't refund your money. We booked ours at Caversham and had a few no shows/couldn't make due to emergency and we ended up losing about $1000 worth of food/drinks.

Best thing to do is just say you aren't attending and leave it at that.

[HotAe92]

Moral of the story: Fuck weddings, don't get married. /end thread.

[OnParole]

He probably just wants to get you drunk.

[PHIL]

when we planned our wedding we invited mates and family, if they had partners they were invited. no way in hell i would invite a mate and then say their missus couldn't come. thats bullshit. i had one mate whos missus i think is a pingpingpingping and he was my groomsman, she still got invited. needless to say i wasn't invited to their wedding because she knew what i thought of here, but i couldn't care less.

[MMM]

I would prefer if only the mrs got invited to weddings.

I hate weddings. I hate the idea of weddings. Weddings suck.

[hako]

Decline wedding ok, decline bucks out of principle? Nah I would still hit the bucks.

[gazza750]

tradition dictates wedding invites are person + partner.
if a relationship isn't known the invite reads The name of the person invited + friend.
If they know your in a relationship and your partner isn't invited it means they are also snubbing the invited person by being so rude not to invite the partner

[Fr3d]

If they know your in a relationship and your partner isn't invited it means they are also snubbing the invited person by being so rude not to invite the partner

Thats the way I see it. Mrs told me thats what really got her the most, the fact that we are long time friends shows disrespect to me, our relationship & her.

[ReaperSS]

Fuck weddings, boring as bat shit !!!!

[Fr3d]

Decline wedding ok, decline bucks out of principle? Nah I would still hit the bucks.

On the same day as Racewars Day 1. Epic fail on his part.

[Milhouse]

Fuck weddings, boring as bat shit !!!!

Then again, with you around it might be "four weddings and a funeral"

[shifted]

Then again, with you around it might be "four weddings and a funeral"

"Four funerals and a wedding"

[Damo 69]

600 funerals

[schnoods]

Im surprised there was no option of a +1 and paying for an additional guest.

Can understand the cost side of things, but at the same time, surely if a good mate is getting hitched and you wanna take the missus along, you could always pay what the additional person costs.

[Autopilot]

^This. Paying for yourself is the best wedding gift, I think it should be the norm for all guests not in the wedding party.

[PHIL]

thats just stupid. you want your friends and family to come and celebrate with you, you invite them to you're wedding you pay. when it comes down to it, if the guy valued his friendship he would invite the other half aswell,even if it cost an extra $100 or so, when your spending 20k does it really matter that much.

[ossie_21]

Don't lose any sleep over it, the marriage won't last

[R3N]

I wouldnt invite my mates to my wedding because they're pingpingpingpings, will only invite their missusses. That's why Tom will get an invite

[Autopilot]

thats just stupid. you want your friends and family to come and celebrate with you, you invite them to you're wedding you pay.

*your

What's stupid is paying $20k+ for your friends to get fed and drunk. Wedding spending is out of control. I have no problem paying $200 odd for me and my wife to have dinner and a night out, going to a wedding is no different, it's a night out.

[Turboesky]

^This. Paying for yourself is the best wedding gift, I think it should be the norm for all guests not in the wedding party.

Did this for our wedding. Mainly because I was a 2nd year apprentice and trying to pay a house off at the time. We had been living together for a couple of years so already had toasters, pots, pans and that other shit you get for wedding gifts. Think it worked out to be about $40 a head for a 5 course meal. Asked guests not to bring gifts just themselves.

Whole wedding under $4K.

[DRKWRX]

fuck them! wouldn't go.

[caibs]

if he's doing the same for your other mates, stop whinging and get over it. otherwise, yeh maybe he just doesn't like your missus. either way go have a few drinks and wish him well.

[SircatmaN]

I hate people that take offense so easily. Do you think this person wakes up in the morning and wonders how he can piss you off? Chances are he didn't have room for you but thought it would be nice to pay extra and invite you anyway.

Taking offense from an invitation and then holding a grudge is childish.

[Satan]

Ive been in this situation and I spat it and missed out

if I could do it again, I would go to bucks and wedding and not let my ego allow me to miss out on sharing these occasions

[mitchy]

stop being a little bitch, it's their day not yours.

i'm getting married next year. we have an approximate budget, approximate numbers and unfortunately there are some friends i would prefer over other peoples partners. hell, i'm not inviting my brothers wife cause i fucking hate her.

[DRKWRX]

^lol "stop being a little bitch" but not inviting your brothers wife......

[caibs]

na good on him if shes a pingpingpingping

[Sack]

When I got married, me and the missus had a budget and how many guest's we could invite. What we wanted was the right amount of guest that were closest to us within the budget and so that it was going to be a memorable night to us and also for them.

All partners were invited regardless of whether we knew them or not because we wanted everyone to enjoy themselves and in turn us, which would make for one of the greatest moments in our lives.

If they're really struggling with the budgeting and it's unfortunate that unknown/unstable partners aren't invited, then you should be accepting. You may be in the same position one day.

[Fr3d]

I hate people that take offense so easily. Do you think this person wakes up in the morning and wonders how he can piss you off? Chances are he didn't have room for you but thought it would be nice to pay extra and invite you anyway.

Taking offense from an invitation and then holding a grudge is childish.

Maybe he does. Perhaps he thought the ideal way to tear me up inside is take a financial hit and instead of inviting someone he loves/holds dear, he would fill the precious space with me but not my partner. Then i can cry about it on an internet forum and get shredded by trolls.The motherfucker got me good. The stroke of a genius, he's an intelligent guy after all. We've played Diplomacy together so I know how nasty he can get.

It's the childish and immature things we do that make the moments we neve ferget and make an inpact .

An interesting range of opinions and experiences people have made & experienced,going through one extreme to the other. Calls were made yesterday decision was finalised. Don't regret it one bit. Doubt I will, but eitherway this ship has unloaded it's cargo of first world problems and is looking to set sail for another shipment of cries, woe & tears.

Thanks everyone for their input. At least I now know im not the only whiney bitch here :)


When I got married, me and the missus had a budget and how many guest's we could invite. What we wanted was the right amount of guest that were closest to us within the budget and so that it was going to be a memorable night to us and also for them.

All partners were invited regardless of whether we knew them or not because we wanted everyone to enjoy themselves and in turn us, which would make for one of the greatest moments in our lives.

If they're really struggling with the budgeting and it's unfortunate that unknown/unstable partners aren't invited, then you should be accepting. You may be in the same position one day.

Can say i've been there, and as you and yours did, we planned & budgeted to have couples bring their partners. I am accepting it, im not going to strongarm or coerce him into inviting someone who wasn't on their list, as we've all said it's their day. They have as much right to invite as much as I have the right to refuse.

[Buckets]

I wouldnt invite my mates to my wedding because they're pingpingpingpings, will only invite their missusses. That's why Tom will get an invite
Kuek when you marry Jodie we are there whether you want it or not. Someone has to make sure you don't lose your fucking mind around the WF like you always do.


On the same day as Racewars Day 1. Epic fail on his part.

Decline the wedding due to short notice and other plans already being made. Send a car load full of strippers to the wedding ceremony and have them gate crash right at the bit where the celebrant / priest asks if anyone objects to the union. You're away racing so there's full deniability but you'll hear (and most likely see video) about how fucking funny it was without the risk of copping stripper induced psycho bridal meltdown yok.

[Adr3naL1N]

I didn't invite any of my mates to my wedding for the budget reason, after we sunk 20k into just the mrs side I had to draw the line. Invite everyone, or fucking no-one/just family. If you can't afford it, go to Vegas!

this!!! invite everyone or no one!! have a small private wedding to avoid this shit stirring and dis-content they are now causing to everyone invited without their partners being allowed.

[volt_bite]

As was said previously, weddings bring out the worse in people sometimes haha.

Just respect their decision and hopefully they respect yours (if you are going to decline). But what happens if someone else cancels and there is an available position for your missus to go? Or maybe by you cancelling someone else's missus can go?

There is also the issue of "oh they didn't invite me, so I am not going to invite them.." haha really? Just invite whoever you want.

[Riggs]

I'd doubt you are the only one he has had to do this to.

If there are 10 mates he wanted to invite and would rather each mate instead of 5 mates + each ones mrs (and obviously pissing off the other 5 mates) that is where he draws the line. He is not saving $100 he is saving $1000.

If you don't want to go without the mrs, decline the invite and move on with life.

(That being said my mrs would flip if I got invited to a wedding without her) but I can see the logic.

[Sebdullah]

(That being said my mrs would flip if I got invited to a wedding without her) but I can see the logic.

think she'd flip harder about the bucks

[Poktrokt]

I wouldnt invite my mates to my wedding because they're pingpingpingpings, will only invite their missusses. That's why Tom will get an invite

LOL