Rogue Magpie - help

[ben351]

Ok so … I have a problem … it might be mental … it might just be I have a low tolerance for repetitive noises i.e. when I hear people chew with their mouths open I want to literally stab them … in the neck … I thought that was it but then we all know of my well-publicised struggles with crickets chirping at night when I am trying to sleep … that ended in a drunken rampage that left a hole in my roof and 2 in the wall trying to find them … I fixed this by insect bombing my roof every couple of months … keeps them at bay … but now I have a new problem.

Magpies.

Yep … fucking magpies.

Not the footy team … the fucking bird.

The house next door to me has a HUGE tree in the back yard and there is one of these balck and white pieces of shit … BOONGS OF THE FUCKING SKY… that sits in it and makes magpie noises all fucking night over and over and over again like a broken record every 20 seconds and its not a new noise each time IT’S THE SAME FUCKING NOISE … I am convinced it’s a magpie with some form of disability and it’s just shouting out POTATO POTATO in magpie language and its getting beyond the joke … I have to go out every 20 minutes and pick unripened mandarins off my tree and throw them at it to shut it up … the tree stock is getting pretty low so I need other options … now I have narrowed it down to a couple of things but I am open to new solutions …
1. Buy / borrow an air rifle and shoot it in its STUPID magpie face
2. Buy some bird seed bells hang them in his tree and POISON them
3. Buy a gun that will shoot the poisoned bird seed bells at him in its stupid magpie face
4. Find out it it has a gf magpie and kidnap / rape her and send a ransom note
5. Kill myself.

Have also thought of getting one of those full on slingshots with the arm brace and shit but don’t know where to buy them … soooooo yep that’s it in a nutshell guys … help.

[thrtytwo]

I cant stand when people chew with there mouths open, dirty Fucking pingpingpingpings. Rage builds up and I really want to break my girlfriends mums face...

I also hate the totally involuntary noise of the clicking jaw when chewing. When people click their jaws I want to Fucking drop them.

[cplagz]

I'm buying one of these and lobbing it into your roof cavity
http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/b278/

[JBAE]

Option 5 please you fuck!

just fucking kill it man just make sure you dont get caught LOL , bow is a good option BUT being you are shooting the fucking thing in the air its got the possible chance of nailing someone off in the distance... and you are too pretty for jail!

Get an air compressor and make something or a ging like you said with some bearings... or a chainsaw! trees fucking hate chainsaws! and magpies fucking love trees!

[JBAE]

I'm buying one of these and lobbing it into your roof cavity
http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/b278/

LOL dead set this was the first thing that immediately went through my mind after reading this post!!! has to be done!

[newbie101]

Poor little bird :(

If you want to get it to piss off without hurting it, go explain the situation to the people who own the tree, and then ask if you can throw a few lengths of reflective tape up into the branches like you were TP'ing the tree. Hi-vis danger tape works well, but anything reflective will usually piss a bird off enough to keep it away (unless its a kingfisher, so be prepared for a kookaburra to move in pretty soon after :D )

[Brockas]

Go to TJ's house, steal a few cats, send them up the tree.

Problem solved.

[MadDocker]

Step 1.) Kill the magpie and hang it on a tree branch by its legs as a warning to the other magpies.
Step 2.) Enjoy the peace & quiet for a few weeks.
Step 3.) Wait until spring time. Prepare for the magpies retaliation.
Step 4.) Get swooped repeatedly, hopefully post videos.
Step 5.) See original post.

[ben351]

i can do what i want in their back yard ... the house next to me is vacant - recently sold ... 1200sqm block so I'm hoping they knock errrythang down and build units there ... buy buy Maggie forever then but for now I need sleep :(

does eBay do those army spec gings with the arm brace ?

[TJ]

LOL Boongs of the sky

[shifted]

hide out in the tree one night in camouflage and catch it?

or put a little trap up there with food?

edit: I thought Crows were the boongs of the sky?

[Brockas]

i can do what i want in their back yard ... the house next to me is vacant - recently sold ... 1200sqm block so I'm hoping they knock errrythang down and build units there ... buy buy Maggie forever then but for now I need sleep :(
Years ago my old man was pissed off with a neighbours tree overhanging our pool and dropping it's entire stock of leaves into our pool every week, so when they sold the house he jumped the fence, drilled holes in the trunk, and poured Round-Up into it.

The tree mysteriously died before the new owners moved in...

Possibility?

[KAL SPL]

Drill hole in tree
Add poison
Wait for tree to die ?

[SimonR32]

Just remember Ben they are protected, so whatever you do, you never did it!

[KAL SPL]

Lol beaten !

[ben351]

Its a MASSIVE fucking tree man and its bare now due to Autumn so it already looks dead lol ... makes it easier to get a clear shot at it with the mandarins ... Common theme in the street is to buy old house on huge block and knock it down and throw 2 or 3 town houses or one big fuck off house ... I am fairly confident it will be a level block before summer but i just want this bird dead now.

Can I buy a tame falcon or eagle on-line ??

[HANS YOLO]

air rifle would be the best bet

[Brockas]

Can I buy a tame falcon or eagle on-line ??
Oh please let this happen. Can only end well.

[ben351]

Oh please let this happen. Can only end well.

Benry is in Thighland at the minute ... surely he can smuggle me something back ... tame falcon or a trained monkey assasin.

[ReaperSS]

I thought Crows were the boongs of the sky?

Haha the old Boong crow

[monk_13]

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/dan/changimals/monkey3.jpg

[ReaperSS]

It should shut up soon, just trying to attract a mate. They will be nesting in the next few weeks and they should quiet down although they start swooping soon lol.

Here is my pet one, took these shots last weekend...
http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8296/7808079370_5207a78d73_z.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/29857839@N03/7808079370/)
The Australian Magpie (Gymnorhina tibicen) (http://www.flickr.com/photos/29857839@N03/7808079370/) by Marc Russo (Australia) (http://www.flickr.com/people/29857839@N03/), on Flickr

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8287/7808087288_04801a1c30_c.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/29857839@N03/7808087288/)
The Australian Magpie (Gymnorhina tibicen) (http://www.flickr.com/photos/29857839@N03/7808087288/) by Marc Russo (Australia) (http://www.flickr.com/people/29857839@N03/), on Flickr

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8445/7808092436_dc5dcf8d26_c.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/29857839@N03/7808092436/)
The Australian Magpie (Gymnorhina tibicen) (http://www.flickr.com/photos/29857839@N03/7808092436/) by Marc Russo (Australia) (http://www.flickr.com/people/29857839@N03/), on Flickr

[JBAE]

Set fire to the fucking tree an profit!

[Alt_F4]

I am convinced it’s a magpie with some form of disability and it’s just shouting out POTATO POTATO in magpie language and its getting beyond the joke … I have to go out every 20 minutes and pick unripened mandarins off my tree and throw them at it to shut it up …
I'm pretty sure it's saying MORE MANDARINS! MORE MANDARINS!!!

[Chivalry]

Don't kill it! You should capture it and sell it, I've never seen a red magpie before, must be really rare!

[ben351]

THAT'S THE pingpingpingping

[ben351]

http://www.hdtvcar.com/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=27991&currency=AUD

Problem solved.

[SimonR32]

Please confirm if the slingshot is legal to use in your country.
Specially to Australia buyer: the item is illegal in your country.
This item is intended for using by those 18 Years of age or Older.

LOL

[R3N]

Ben, I'll come over and eat it. How's 6.30 tonight?

[aussievr4]

I bought a sling shot and a bag of marbles from a paint shop in cannington a while back, was pretty cheap and I was surprised at how accurate it was. If one of those cant take him out then your doing something wrong.

[magic1]

Commercial slingshots are illegal. Homemade slingshots are legal.

[ben351]

LOL

FUCK.

I want my 8 bucks back.

there are ones in Australia ... I'll buy from them

[WRCjosh]

good rant, 7/10, needed worse spelling

[aussievr4]

Commercial slingshots are illegal. Homemade slingshots are legal.

Yeah I was surprised to see them for sale as I thought they were illegal. He had a few different sorts available and even gave me a demo.

[KAL SPL]

Commercial slingshots are illegal. Homemade slingshots are legal.

Ironically though if you go to fishing/camping stores and ask for 'Burley casters' they are fully legal go figure.

[mehow2g]

I hate repeative noises as well house phones have the worst fucking ring tones and piss me right off.

Your lucky these are baby coons the real coons of the sky are fucking crows, I have a massive Christmas tree by my window that is occupied by like 10 crows these fuckers scream all morning from 430-9am..

[JBAE]

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/n1wV3lmbSv4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

no excuses! go sort the fucking bird out!

[Brockas]

Let me play you the song of my people:

<object width="640" height="360"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oYEYc8Ge3nw?version=3&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/oYEYc8Ge3nw?version=3&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="640" height="360" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>
<object width="640" height="360"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4858bWD-DPU?version=3&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4858bWD-DPU?version=3&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="640" height="360" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>

[ben351]

Best bloke ever hey.

[JBAE]

http://www.mobiya.co.uk/view/apgmtmgaj you white knight is ready for purchase!

[Tsunamix]

Rouge = red. Rogue = villain.

How to get rid of magpies.

Cut cubes of good steak. Take a syringe and fill it it liquid detergent. Stab the syringe into the middle of the cube. squeeze in some detergent.

If it leaks detergent afterwards it work work.

Feed it to the magpies. they get the shits, and i mean explosive avian diahorrea - but the soap makes it easier to wash off.

They wont feed were the food makes them sick, so they will move on. They won't know exactly what makes them sick so they will leave the area generally.

[ONETEN]

Didnt you guys play with these as kids?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7eWCCAtZ1Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=JrxHCuHnvwg

I still play with them now, We had a couple of maggies in the park across the road from us, Housemate used to rage as hard cause they would sit there and warble all night like assholes. It used to shit him to tears. Anyway, orange cannon under $50 and all parts from Bunnings, we built a high velocity version with elec ignition that's good to lob a navel orange 200m, has a 3 inch barrel so you pretty just aim in the general direction of the offending tree and let loose, guaranteed peace for the price of an orange a night and you dont even have to leave the driveway.

[ReaperSS]

Mates house got raided and copped a firearms charge when to po po found his spud gun. No firearms for him in the future.

Great fun though!

[adrenalin]

Mates house got raided and copped a firearms charge when to po po found his spud gun. No firearms for him in the future.

Great fun though!

More to the point why was it raided to begin with ....

[ben351]

Yeah i need something quiet thought he spud gun we made had a large thud too it and the nieghbours always complained ... im doing this at night at like 12am ... so slingshot is the best option ... i have Thursday morning off so ill sort something out then :)

steak sounds good also !!

[Crammit]

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/dan/changimals/monkey3.jpg

Geez you've let yourself go Blaaa...I think it’s about time Caitlyn intervenes and gives you a shave

[SimonR32]

Glove gun? PVC tube with a Ansell glove finger taped on the end and a bag of marbles...

Make sure the tube is reasonable length for accuracy and you should get a few hundred meter shot out of it :)

Saw some shots take out some house windows from 50-60m when younger so they can do damage

[ben351]

Glove gun? PVC tube with a Ansell glove finger taped on the end and a bag of marbles...

Make sure the tube is reasonable length for accuracy and you should get a few hundred meter shot out of it :)

Saw some shots take out some house windows from 50-60m when younger so they can do damage

Yep !!!!!!!!!

Perfect.

[Halle Terry]

Tried talking to it like an adult?

[ReaperSS]

More to the point why was it raided to begin with ....

Haha shooting it in the backyard. People next door dobbed him in

[ben351]

Tried talking to it like an adult?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Fucking idiot, made me spit sandwich out !!!

[gazza750]

hang old cd's in tree

[JME]

appreciate the mild problem for what it is. In 18 months time, 4 units will be built next door. Prepare for the homeswest gala parade.

[ben351]

appreciate the mild problem for what it is.

Mild ... MILD ???

Fuck your mild.

BLAAA do you still have that rifle for sale ???

[JBAE]

LOL never had one for sale homo?

[ben351]

FUCK !!

How is it that people can get away with killing people with knives and guns and all kidns of weapons EVERYDAY of the week ... and i cant even get a fuckign SLINGSHOT through customs to kill a bird !!!

Society :(

[JBAE]

Seriously FIRE!


Burn the black bastard like the good ol boys would have back in the day!

[adrenalin]

Molotov cocktail the tree with birds present ?

[JME]

http://www.aidshearing.com.au/storage/E031.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1285106755629

[Buckets]

http://ausbow.com.au/crossbow.htm

You can get one of these... Sort of.

http://ausbow.com.au/apex2.jpg

[TJ]

remember the home made sling gun

-star picket
-nail
-lacky band and a clothes peg

chk chk boom nigguh

[Joe]

Glove gun? PVC tube with a Ansell glove finger taped on the end and a bag of marbles...

Make sure the tube is reasonable length for accuracy and you should get a few hundred meter shot out of it :)

Saw some shots take out some house windows from 50-60m when younger so they can do damage

Fuck yes.. i used to make these all the time as a kid, with those hollow metal broomstick handles cut into shorter pieces, and the fingers cut out of rubber kitchen gloves, taped on nice and tight with duct tape. At a pinch, you could use those long balloons instead of rubber gloves, or disposable gloves (but both of these wouldn't last anywhere near as long as the thicker rubber gloves).

Used to shoot gravel out of it that I pinched from the neighbours front yard, was great fun.

[REXXXED]

^^I did the very same, worked a treat and the thicker rubber glove fingers and gravel pebbles were a winner

[fourseven]

If you can hang on for a couple of weeks I can take care of it. Subsonic rounds should do the trick without waking your neighbours.

[RICEY]

Start talking with an abo accent, even magpies wont live next door to coons.

[scottiedoesntn0]

1 x 5 pack of the Woolies/coles/Iga bought extra large balloons, 65mm pvc pipe (class 18 is good because of the smaller wall I.d) around 450mm long
and pvc tape to tape the balloon to the pipe.

Stretch the balloon carefully over the pipe (de-burring the pipe stops holes) make it tight enough so its not flappy but loose enough to get about 2/3 pull on the balloon

Then hey presto, can launch honkeys, large marbles without lobbing like a shitty small glove gun and anything honkey sized or smaller.
Taken out a lot of birds, lizzards, windows with a good connection from 35 odd meters in the past.

Works well for launching semi hard dog shit nuggets at annoying neighbors too :D.

[Nickevox]

I used to make these and hit birds when I was young

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DmAWWasiWg4/TZ9EiAFiaJI/AAAAAAAAACE/tw4r8gIAkh4/s1600/glovegun.jpg

[viet_boi]

I would say chop the tree down but this fucken pingpingpingping would probably have another cry and climb up there.
http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p23/viet_boi_01/039011-pn-news-richard-pennicuik.jpg

[Oversteer]

Had the same issue with a bird a few years back, calling for its mate(you could hear the faint reply in the distance), lived in a massive tree in the front yard next to my bedroom.

Tried many angry things at 2am in jocks(ging etc...tree too thick and too dark to get off a good shot...)

Ended up fucking the birds average by stringing a small radio playing static really loud up the tree near to where it camped(on the end of an extension cord) ... worked a fucking treat, bird fucked off in a few days when it realised it couldn`t hear shit !

PS Crickets...fuck i hate them, bug spray at 3am all the way ! ....and don`t get me started about the frogs that bury them selves in the soil and throw thier voice....3am napalm the whole flower bed with petrol and nearly set fire to the veranda !

[Brockas]

appreciate the mild problem for what it is. In 18 months time, 4 units will be built next door. Prepare for the homeswest gala parade.

LOL

In 18 months time - Let me sing you the song of my people:

http://www.aboriginalartstore.com.au/photos/aboriginal_music_photo.jpg

[Fukushima]

mine starts singing at about 1am

i dont mind it tells me its time for bed :D

[Brett Allan]

In regards to the glove gun...

these can work as ammo too;

http://www.kitchenaria.com/images/uploads/skewers_assorted.jpg

[Joe]

mine starts singing at about 1am

i dont mind it tells me its time for bed :D

You own your own boong????

[Marti]

Spear gun from a tackle shop?, some come with a reel so you can drag it back to you with our loosing the arrow. Or just make a sling shot out of some round bar and use jelly rubber from a spear gun to power it
Haven't laughed this hard in a while. I live across the road from the bush and never have these problems, only problems I have is running frogs over with my car when it rains and removing snakes and blue tongue lizards from my back yard in the summer ha ha

[DrKarl]

^^^^ Gidgee i think is what you're talking about. That would be messy though.

[Marti]

Yeah I had a mental blank ha ha

[ben351]

Man I thought I was home sweet last night when it started raining … won’t need to go bunnings and get anything he won’t be there in the rain … go to gym, come home get in bed … 10:30pm on the fucking DOT it started and yes I know what you mean now he is trying to talk to his mate in the distance (can hear a soft reply in the distance) … so I have two retarded birds in the neighbourhood … I can hear his mate so SURELY he can hear him … get off the fucking branch and go find him instead of shouting out ALAN ALAN ALAN ALAN ALAN ALAN AL AL AL AL AL … Regardless of whether I’m going to bunnings straight after work today and getting PVC pipe / gloves / pack of small nuts … tonight …. WE DINE IN HELL

[Buckets]

I love the fact that something so trivial gets you so worked up.

[Sebdullah]

get off the fucking branch and go find him instead of shouting out ALAN ALAN ALAN ALAN ALAN ALAN AL AL AL AL AL …

LOL'd hard at this

[RICEY]

You should record the pingpingpingping and play it back to fuck with it's mind.

Like play it at bullshit volume so it thinks a giant magpie is coming to ass rape it.

[ben351]

I would ideally like to capture it and torture it ...

lock it in a cage with a zapper attached to it so every time it squawks it gets zapped ... poke it with sticks ... play loud eagle and falcon noises next to it ... piss on it ... dress up in an eagle costume and punch toy magpies in front of it ... shit like that then release it back into the wild as a basket case that would literally shit itself if it saw a canary

[Turbo2.6L]

Fucking LOL!
The shit that goes through your head is astounding

[RICEY]

Make a little tshirt up for him that says magpies are faggots, put it on him then let him go.

The other magpies will fuck him up for you, if not they will stop talking to him at least.

[ben351]

I’m going to gather some cat / eagle / falcon / aggressive canary piss and put it on a little ankle collar – capture him and then attach the predator piss collar and then none of his mates will hang around him anymore … eventually he will get so depressed he develops magpie bipolar and flies into oncoming traffic … naturally there will be a funeral … small procession around the back yard … I will get up and give a short speech with will contain evidence of my master predator piss collar plan and then all the other magpies that attended will know I don’t fuck around and my house if off limits to squawking magpies

[adrenalin]

Fucking lol. Please get video of said outcome.

[Azrian]

You are a funny pingpingpingping..........

dont come past my desk anymore.

[ben351]

I only hang around level 2 because there are so many hot chicks ...

[d1mitch]

lol, please update with the outcome

[ben351]

I predict there will be a for sale thread tomorrow - FS: Magpie Flavoured Dog Meat

[Sebdullah]

I'm going to laugh my ass off if you spend the entire night awake waiting for him, & nothing happens

[gav]

WOW! this thread has delivered. I am literally in tears of laughter now. well done ben you never fail to get a laugh

[ben351]

No chance – that dickhead will be squawking his stupid face off at 10:30pm on the fucking dot and I will be waiting in the back corner behind the shed in my jocks … and probably half a mongrel at the thought of killing him and getting a full night’s sleep.

Let me be clear here people – this is a take no prisoners mission – we shoot to kill.

[-Luke-]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Raven

[Sebdullah]

http://blogs.phillymag.com/the_philly_post/files/2012/02/thesimpsonsraven.png

[ben351]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Raven

AHHAHAHAHAHHA - well played.

[RICEY]

Dare you to post a pic of the offender impaled on your cock.

[ben351]

might be a good way to catch it ... lay on my back covered in leaves with my tiny penis poking throw ... he will think its a miniature earthworm and come down for a snack ....

[RICEY]

I dont think they go for worms covered in warts....

[ben351]

That must be bee’s then

[SimonR32]

This is what you get for helping a nigga out!

[volt_bite]

LOL, this thread. :D

[Riggs]

Sensational. Detailed report of the outcome tomorrow please.

[RICEY]

http://t.qkme.me/35ycfd.jpg

Replace romantic picnic with sleep, Im too lazy to do it.

[Joe]

LOL!

I really hope this works for you Ben, I am looking forward to seeing the results with the glove gun!

[Marti]

I may stay up tonight, Just to see the out come of this spec ops mission

[TJ]

You know this is going in the pool room when done right?

[BIGS]

May I suggest, having a net to catch it with if you knock it down. Mate shot a crow/maggie once with a glove gun and thought he'd killed but it got up and flew away.

[BIGS]

Oh and just to add, 19mm retic pipe is the best size for glove guns. You can use buck shot if using say 2-3mm bearings, but you may want to use a slighter shorter barrel of say 40-50cm rather than 60cm.

This info comes from a misspent youth of glove gun warfare.

[OmEg_A7]

You can also get a black reticulation T piece that should slide over the 19mm tube, tape it on tight and you have a handle for improved accuracy...

[BIGS]

I found that handles actually ruined the aim as once you release the glove finger it's momentum has the natural tendency of tipping the barrel forward thus potentially off putting the path of the projectile.

[OmEg_A7]

I found that handles actually ruined the aim as once you release the glove finger it's momentum has the natural tendency of tipping the barrel forward thus potentially off putting the path of the projectile.

You must have weak wrists, start wanking more...

[Brett Allan]

lead fishing weights also do the trick, kill the farking bird!!! :D

[VZ_V8]

Haven't read the whole thread but I have a mate who is trying to offload a compound crossbow with a scope on it. Good for going through fences and shit. Could be fun?

[Torquen]

This thread is fucking gold.

[RICEY]

Haven't read the whole thread but I have a mate who is trying to offload a compound crossbow with a scope on it. Good for going through fences and shit. Could be fun?

Not if you miss and go through someones head a few blocks away...

[magic1]

1hr 40mins till the bird starts to look for al al al al ala ala Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan

[VZ_V8]

Not if you miss and go through someones head a few blocks away...

minor details.

[adrenalin]

Is everything prepped ben ?

[Magpie]

I bet you don't kill me tonight pingpingpingping!

[-Luke-]

Shit just got real....

[Torquen]

Hahahaha @ magpie!

[MMM]

Read this thread. Took the dog out for a piss and now i realise i have a fucking magpire singing his song in my back yard! Let me know how you go might need to take this pingpingpingping out as well

[JBAE]

I bet you don't kill me tonight pingpingpingping!

YESSSSSSSSSSS

[Magpie]

Don't like my singing?

http://alachuapolitix.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/middle-finger.jpg

Last I checked, Straya was a free country pingpingpingping!

[VZ_V8]

http://i117.photobucket.com/albums/o64/tim6489/TrollMagpie.jpg

[TJ]

LOL magpie.

I applaud you.

[Brockas]

FUCKING LOL @ Magpie.

Whoever that is, you are awesome.

[BIGS]

You must have weak wrists, start wanking more...

I'm right handed..

[ben351]

I bet you don't kill me tonight pingpingpingping!

We will just see about that pingpingpingping ....

http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/c0.0.403.403/p403x403/488378_10151002371750737_332076144_n.jpg

[VZ_V8]

LOL at the box of dome nuts!

[KAL SPL]

Lol this can only end badly , how man smashed windows etc before getting a kill shot ?

[ben351]

yeah i went with the dome nuts for better aerodynamics ... was a little more expensive but its worth a good nights sleep in the end

had a few trial runs ... ballons were shit ... the rubber glove fingers worked best ... shot one into the shed from across the yard with some force ... hope my aim is true tonight ... Michael Diamond, pray for me brother

[BIGS]

All I can say is.. You're going to have to be damn close to nail it.

$50 says glove busts first go.

[JBAE]

*ballistics...

[ben351]

if the glove gun breaks i'll fucking throw it at it ... if that doesnt work ... fist to feather combat to the death

[dak dak]

Ha i was in a bad mood tonight but after reading this thread how could i be

Thankyou for the lolz

[Sebdullah]

LOL whoever is behind the magpie account, fucking legend

[ben351]

I still wish i had access to a trained monkey assassin ... could have high fived his little blood soaked mini monkey hand after he chocked it to death

[urabus]

T minus 8 minutes...... Please post a photo of you in your camo with black shoe polish under your eyes...

Brendon

P.s pics or it never happened!

[ben351]

I'll be in my jocks ... you already have those pics

[BIGS]

What are you doing? You're supposed to be in position ready and waiting!!

[ben351]

im listening ... nothing yet :(

come on you stupid fuck ........

[ben351]

http://www.joblo.com/images_arrownews/TTPredMac.jpg

[BIGS]

http://www.joblo.com/images_arrownews/TTPredMac.jpg

Bahaha gold!!

[Brockas]

Well, it's now 10:50pm.

By now your arch nemesis should be half way through his first solo.


I'm currently trying to get the 'Police Scanner' app on my iPhone to work so I can hear reports of dome nuts breaking windows of surrounding houses.

[fourseven]

Can't scan WAPOL frequencies :p

Is it dead yet?

[Sebdullah]

im listening ... nothing yet :(

come on you stupid fuck ........


TOLD YA :D

[ben351]

a watched pot never boils ... patience grasshopper

[Brockas]

LOL'd so hard at the video you posted on Facebook!


<object width="720" height="1280"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"></param><param name="movie" value="https://www.facebook.com/v/10151002791640737"></param><embed src="https://www.facebook.com/v/10151002791640737" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="1" width="720" height="1280"></embed></object>

[Socrates]

Can't see it due to privacy settings

[TheChad]

fuck, i need to know what happened or i may not sleep tonight...

[Joe]

I'm still awake waiting for the outcome!

[Magpie]

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZBR2G-iI3-I" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I didn't show, you really think I'd read this thread and rock up to get my head caved in by some half naked psychopath that envies bees for the size of their cocks?

He think's I have mental issues, you wanna see what he does to himself on a daily basis, CLOSE THE FUCKING CURTAINS!!

Oh, a friend of mine that lives in a tree on Heirisson Island sent me this:

http://a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/92/a2a09fb6bfaddb0c603f1dc5134a9c63/l.jpg

And I've got issues?

[shifted]

LOL @ I will survive. Thread is gold!

[INSINR8R]

Marc said something about it just looking for a sexual partner.

Buy this
http://72.10.171.98/resources/ecommerce/images/products/214/528/img528214/product-enlarged.jpg

Let it get freaky with you and problem solved. At least you'll have got laid during this whole experience. Takes furries to the next level.

[TJ]

I will survive

AHHHHH FUCKING LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LL

[ben351]

Ok it should work now ...

MISSION: FAILURE

first video is of the noise it makes .....

so i got worried it wasnt going to happen then about an hour after he usually fires up ... the dickhead started signing away ... i sneak out in my jocks (fuck it was cold) and on my way down the back pick a couple of unripe mandarins for back up ammo and then have to slide past a huge bush down the back to get behind the shed for a clear shot ... turns out the bush was wet so im soaking and freezing now but a solider knows no pain - this is what i trained for ... anyways i get to the cleared pad behind the shed and i have a clear shot at him about 4 metres up in the tree ... i load up and take my first shot - MISS ... i load up and take another ... i hear it hit a tin shed a couple houses away ... load up again ... MISS MISS MISS AFTER MISS ... then inevitably the rubber finger pops off the gun .... i get angry and throw the mandarin and one hits the branch he is on but NO MOVEMENT ... i throw the second and its a complete miss and goes about 4 houses away and i hear a LOUD bang on a roof ... i get pissed off and throw the glove gun pipe which goes about 1m and straight into the low branch and flings back towards me and hits my shed loudly ... at this point all the neighbor hood dogs decide to wake up and bark so i run back inside ... now i have dogs barking and the fucking bird still stupidly chirping :( :( ... i have to shut my window and put the fan on and the TV on low to drown all the noise out ... he may have won the battle but he hasn't won the war ... we regroup ... get stronger ... and attack again tonight !!!

[ben351]

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151002795005737

[Magpie]

WINNING!

[ben351]

your mother was raped by a gang of pelicans

[Magpie]

Explains my pelican sized cock, was your mother raped by a field mouse?

[ben351]

no but there was probably several already in her vagina at the time of intercourse feeding on the dick cheese left behind after the homeless guy that fucked her

[31-EVO]

Bahahaha man, fucking tears, stop laying dormant on this forum Ben, you're a fucking champion. To the man behind magpie, I salute you, this is total hilarity. BRILLIANCE

[ben351]

knowing that poofta magpie - he has had more than one man behind him .....

[Magpie]

no but there was probably several already in her vagina at the time of intercourse feeding on the dick cheese left behind after the homeless guy that fucked her

Dude even I think that's fucked up and I swoop the fuck out of disabled kids for laughs.

[Riggs]

I swoop the fuck out of disabled kids for laughs.

Coffee allllllllll over my keyboard.

[Sebdullah]

Ben time to get serious

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m961r5JH5Q1roe4ino1_400.gif

[aussievr4]

How about putting on the camo gear, climbing up to his branch and awaiting his arrival? You would be close enough to be able to choose your method of assasination. Flamethrower would bring much joy that is unless you fall out of the tree and die in which case he wins.

[Magpie]

Yeah cause I'm not going to notice Rambo's gay cousin impersonating a tree on a branch that I've spent a considerable amount of time on.

[R3N]

Benji... how about one of these:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Blowgun-1/?ALLSTEPS

http://www.motherearthnews.com/Do-It-Yourself/1984-09-01/The-Astounding-Blowgun.aspx

[RELEASE]

Fucken tears At work with every pingpingpingping looking at me. So much win.
Play on

[pgc]

Anyone else noticed Fourseven isn't on AL at the same time as Magpie?

*awaits post deletion*

[esky]

Benji... how about one of these:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Blowgun-1/?ALLSTEPS

http://www.motherearthnews.com/Do-It-Yourself/1984-09-01/The-Astounding-Blowgun.aspx

http://cdn.firearmstalk.com/forums/attachments/f50/3563d1243727818-blowgun-hunting-waorani-blowgun.jpg

Need one of those poisonous frogs to wipe on the dart to make it deadly or the magpie will go squealing to the cops like this duck did.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kTIc4NdDY54/0.jpg

[YOUR MATE]

Glove gun and a box of sharpened pencils. If you want to go armour piercing, glue a few caps on the tip of it. Things fly dead on and for miles. Or kick it up a notch if you have a compressor.

What is it like watching the last remaining signs of sanity slip away minute by minute when the sun goes down?

[fourseven]

Anyone else noticed Fourseven isn't on AL at the same time as Magpie?

*awaits post deletion*

Lol I'm not that creative.

[TJ]

It is not fourseven.

[n1ghth4wk]

Bottle the pingpingpingping.

[SimonR32]

It is not fourseven.

Before TJ posted this I was fairly sure it wasn't fourseven...

Now he posted this it's almost guaranteed to be fourseven :)

[ReaperSS]

Lookout for this Magpie..
http://i47.tinypic.com/35m1mqa.jpg

[adrenalin]

Tears at this thread !!!

[Joe]

Before TJ posted this I was fairly sure it wasn't fourseven...

Now he posted this it's almost guaranteed to be fourseven :)

I can assure you, its not fourseven.. the person who it is, is a much bigger pingpingpingping than Rhett :D

[TJ]

Well that leaves only me or brockas

[REXXXED]

Do Magpies like homemade Bacon, Ribs and Scotch?

[SimonR32]

I can assure you, its not fourseven.. the person who it is, is a much bigger pingpingpingping than Rhett :D

Sorry I should have used italics!

[BIGS]

Maybe you should turn this into something like a Turky shoot Except now it's a magpie shoot. Get everyone over armed and ready than surely someones bound to hit it. Offer a reward as an Incentive. Only problem may be proving who hit it.

[Magpie]

I'm a carnivore so fuck yes to the meats.

I'll pass on the alcohol it fucks my coordination which is kind of a big issue when flying is your main method of getting around. That and I need to be on the ball with this white boong after me.

[ben351]

I hate you so much ... the only reasonable thing to do after I eventually kill you ... is masturbate on your lifeless body.

This WILL happen.

[ben351]

Where would I buy thick rubber band from – the type on a spear gun or a giddgy

[VZ_V8]

Where would I buy thick rubber band from – the type on a spear gun or a giddgy

dont chemists sell them? or can u use a resistance exercise tube?

[mr_mike]

Where would I buy thick rubber band from – the type on a spear gun or a giddgy

can buy replacement giddgy rubbers from BCF, Anaconda, Rays etc

[huggy_b]

Bluewater, BCF....etc


Do Magpies like homemade Bacon, Ribs and Scotch?

I believe he is busy tussling with a battlehog

[ben351]

BCF ????

Yes !!!!

FUCK YOU FAGPIE !!!

[ben351]

Do Bunnings sell it ??

[EVLO]

Go to a silviawa cruise, jellyrubber is good to help find a vein... :D

[ben351]

My missus isn't to happy ... fucking Judas ....

http://i49.tinypic.com/24yo38i.png

[adrenalin]

Fucking lol !!!

Solid trolling effort

[VZ_V8]

chickens are a bird...

zero fucks are given when killing them

[Evilteddy]

My missus isn't to happy ... fucking Judas ....

http://i49.tinypic.com/24yo38i.png

FUCKING LOL AT CONTACT NAME!

[volt_bite]

http://www.dec.wa.gov.au/content/view/854/1982/


Removing the magpie or the nest is illegal and may cause nestlings to starve or freeze to death, or may result in breakdown of the magpie tribe with further repercussions on surrounding territories and flocks. While such actions may temporarily stop attacks, it is not uncommon for the magpie to start rebuilding immediately, causing the problem to start all over again. Often it is better to live with the bird for six to eight weeks until the chicks are learning to fly and the problem ceases.

However, if you find that none of these solutions is sufficient, you can email a DEC wildlife officer or contact your nearest DEC office.

[ben351]

There is no nest there ... its a single spastic faggot male fagpie

As if they are going to come out at 11pm at night and capture it for me ... while i sit there in my jocks throwing mandarins

[TJ]

LOL even being trolled by the wife.

No good.

[SimonR32]

http://www.dec.wa.gov.au/content/view/854/1982/

That's for dangerous birds that try and peck your eyes out!

Not for Ben having a sandy vagina over a nice bird song :)

[ben351]

She is the one in yellow TJ - I was trolling her

[ben351]

That's for dangerous birds that try and peck your eyes out!

Not for Ben having a sandy vagina over a nice bird song :)

A NICE BIRD SONG ???

WASH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OUT !!!

Come and capture it for Mr Allpest !!

[volt_bite]

If you want to defeat the magpie, you have to BE the magpie...

[SimonR32]

A NICE BIRD SONG ???

WASH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OUT !!!

Come and capture it for Mr Allpest !!

We have a few 22 air rifles for just this kind of job... BUT this is so much more fun :)

[TJ]

Poison some rice, and sprinkle it at the base of the tree, might get the magpie.

[volt_bite]

Poison some rice, and sprinkle it at the base of the tree, might get the magpie.

Or an Asian.

[adrenalin]

Prob take out a few of your neighbors while your at it...

[JBAE]

Would be awesome if the magpie got fed up with your shit and this played out with you in yout jocks in the back yard you pasty fcuk :)

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/gec6mmKrEMM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[ben351]

LOL I was just gonna say that ... I'm trying to eliminate a bird not half of Alexander Heights

[volt_bite]

Two birds one rice

[Miami]

I've seen how this ends.

http://everybookandcranny.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/birds3.jpg


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydLJtKlVVZw

[INSINR8R]

LOL I was just gonna say that ... I'm trying to eliminate a bird not half of Alexander Heights

It's Alexander Heights, who'll notice?

[Magpie]

I hate you so much ... the only reasonable thing to do after I eventually kill you ... is masturbate on your lifeless body.

This WILL happen.

Great, I'm going to have the same experience as every girl you've slept with...

[ben351]

You wont be crying afterwards though ...

[Magpie]

There is no nest there ... its a single spastic faggot male fagpie

As if they are going to come out at 11pm at night and capture it for me ... while i sit there in my jocks throwing mandarins

I'm not single, I'm banging the bird I posted in the other thread with the epic cameltoe.

[jnr]

so many gold moments right here, maybe even pool room worthy

[DCEVO]

Best laugh Ive had in ages

Quieltly barracking for the MAGPIE...

[Brockas]

Just over 3 hours until round 2.

[Fukushima]

Just wondering, what's the most efficient way of covering a roof with birdseed?

[TheChad]

Just wondering, what's the most efficient way of covering a roof with birdseed?

glovegun, clearly

[BIGS]

You can get sling shots off eBay, my uncle just got one recently to deal with a cat problem. He got a milbro type one. And bought the jelly rubber separately. Ammo 6mm steel ball bearings also off eBay.

[BOSS 290]

I love the fact that something so trivial gets you so worked up.

Love it. Hope the bird swoops you and claws your eyes out, then eats them.

Just sayin!

[Magpie]

Decoy: Check.
Rifle: Check.

http://iforce.co.nz/i/ouijfiyc.jpg

Let's do this.

[Magpie]

This is my gun, and these are my balls.

Look at my balls.

http://images.gunstar.co.uk/forum/large/PA438.jpg

[Risk10k]

http://www.theballboys.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/collingwood-fans.jpg



CARN THE FUCKIN PIES!

[RMCprime]

lol best thread... Ging with jelly rubber is definately the go. Last time I made one it was able to put nuts through a fence and was really accurate.

[31-EVO]

18 minutes, nursing half a chubby

[Jase]

Good luck and godspeed

[Jase]

...may i suggest sticky taping laser pointer to glove gun for added targeting ability. Worked on my BB gun :)

[adrenalin]

Lol !!! awaiting results !!

[ben351]

I'm throwing golf balls tonight ... and if the dogs join in ... i'll fucking neck them too

[Buckets]

http://www.mtlawleycounselling.com.au/anger_management.html

[Sebdullah]

this could become a trilogy
Magpie
Dogs
Frogs

[Alt_F4]

this could become a quadrilogy
Magpie
Dogs
Frogs
Battlehogs

Fixed

[evo5aurus]

stories like these that make me glad I have an air rifle with a mother fuckin scope.

[Charger]

Results??

[Nickevox]

Shit me, I think its magpie season. My 2 dogs were going nuts all night as a magpie has nested itself at a tree next door.

If its active tonight, im hurling lemons at it.

[Magpie]

I'm fairly confident that I survived.

If I didn't, this post will be hard to explain.

[31-EVO]

I don't know what's worse, picturing Ben masturbating over the face of a deceased magpie, or the fact I'm now more aware of bird activity at night when I'm in bed than I ever have been in my whole life. Either way, fuck you Ben, and fuck you local bird activity. How protected are owls?

[ben351]

The pingpingpingping is fucking with me now ... 10pm nothing ... 11pm nothing ... I get to sleep thinking he has possibly fucked off ... wake up at 2am with the prick practically sounding like he was sitting on my window ledge !!!

I'm staying up at the missus place tonight ... fuck you ... chirp all you want faggot

Saturday i'm going to BCF and buying some rubber replacements ...and I'm going to shoot to wound ... not kill any more ... wound ... then I will place you in a cage with 10 male rabbits and rub your poofy magpie anus with female rabbit pheromone and let them fuck you to death.

[adrenalin]

Lol at being outsmarted by a magpie ....

[volt_bite]

I heard magpies last night at 11pm. FUCK

[shifted]

stories like these that make me glad I have an air rifle with a mother fuckin scope.

possible to loan to the OP for the purpose of this thread?

or it is more entertaining the way it is with the OP throwing lemons and mandarins and shit at the magpie?

[Crammit]

possible to loan to OP for purpose of this thread?

or more entertaining way it is with throwing lemons and mandarins and shit.

I know that your posts are generally pretty retarded but that second line actually makes my head hurt.

[Yakky Bear]

I know that your posts are generally pretty retarded but that second line actually makes my head hurt.

lol, i blocked his posts long ago. you should try it jewson, save you getting mad.

[c.rusli]

On side note, is it legal to own an air gun (with lead pellets)?
and where to get them?

Dad used to own one, and we used to hunt rats and shoot at birds (back @ home country)

[MrSparkle]

You need to get a gun licence for an air rifle,
You also need a letter from someone with 5 acres minimum to get an air rifle. Or join your local air rifle club.


Bow and arrow is no problem though, Surprised Ben isnt all over that??

[Slip_]

Funny shit!

If it was the right season, i'd be enticing a swooping. Would coax the fucker out into open air, rolled up newspaper on standby hidden up your arm, moment he's in arms reach... BHUUUUTZ. Bring the fucking rain!