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View Full Version : Funny Ads V5



Skitzo
14-10-2011, 02:23 PM
Searched, couldn't find the old one. Not really giving a fuck though.

Funny adverts on craigslist

http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/pml/cto/2619410616.html

Skyline! 1990 GTSt - $5000 (Maple Ridge)

Date: 2011-10-07, 11:36AM PDT
Reply to: sale-bqyhj-2619410616@craigslist.org (sale-bqyhj-2619410616@craigslist.org?subject=Skyline!%201990% 20GTSt%20-%20%245000%20(Maple%20Ridge)&body=%0A%0Ahttp%3A%2F%2Fvancouver.en.craigslist.ca %2Fpml%2Fcto%2F2619410616.html%0A) [Errors when replying to ads? (http://www.craigslist.org/about/help/replying_to_posts)]

This isn't your normal skyline. This motherfcker is the skyline God would drive if he wasn't busy doing God sh*t like making tsunamis and crap. Its set up to go fast, and go fast sideways. Who doesn't like to get sideway?! Terrorists, thats who. Are you a terrorist? No? Then you need this car.

Handling? This car handles like a junior executive CEO. Go around corners like the devil himself is chasing you, and not give a fck.

Whats that? You like drifting? Well I've got some great god d@mn news for you. This car was a drift project of mine, and the last owner was planning on making it a drift machine too. Interior is for pussies so we got rid of it. Manly as fck. It literally oozes testosterone. So much so that its puddling up in the back.

Seats? this cocks*cker has got two. One for you, and one for the hot @ss broad thats gunna be all upons your dick after you buy this car. You're a girl? Sh*t works both ways. One seat for you, and one seat for that hot @ss dude you've been trying to hook up with for weeks. Deal with it,sh*ts getting serious.

Stereos and AC are for hippies. Fortunately this car has neither. Oh look at me, I like listen to Simon and Garfunkel and think about puppies. F*ck that. The only noises you're gunna be hearing is the ultra manly engine noises coming from this sweet turbocharged, intercooled, 24 valve inline 6. Sh*ts getting real, real f*cking fast.

This car has got a bright orange ebrake handle (b*tches love orange) with a drift button for those super ultra megahellatastic bar room brawler ebrake lockers. F*ck. Yes.
Now, I'll be honest. The wheels are a little lackluster, although everyones gunna be so focused on your super gangster drifting that nobody is going to give a f*ck about your sh*tty stock 16s. Don't worry, I've got you fcking covered. Its like we're in Vietnam and you just got ambushed by Charlie. Don't worry, friend, I've got your fcking back and I blow charlie to kingdom fcking come. For an extra $450 I can throw in some added p*ssy magnets for wheels, just don't come crawling back to me complaining that you're getting TOO much vajayjay. Bright fcking green 18s. Greens not your thing? Super legit silver 18s. Done like dinner.

This car has got 1.5 metric f*ck tons of awesome parts. Bride, Greddy, Brembo, the list doesn't f*cking END. It just keeps going and going, like the energizer bunny on speed.

You like going fast? Ever tried to outrun 24 police cars and 3 helicopters? You need this car. It will go so fcking fast that you may very well go back in time. It happened to me once. Just once, but it was fcking rad. Its like someone took a rocket and opened its mouth and poured steroids down its throat and and threatened to kill its family if it wasn't the fastest motherfcker you've ever driven.

I get it. You're busy, I'm busy, lets not waste time. If you're interested send me a message and I'll get back to you ASAP. You send me a message, I send you one right back. Thats how this works


http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/pml/pts/2644505856.html

Alright, so you think you're hot sht cause you've got a skyline. MAD JDM TYTE YO!!! I drive on the RIGHT!!! One day you're cruising along trying to impress the hotties in the sunfire to your right. You pull up to a light and say "pretty cool car, isnt that right ladies?"
They giggle and reply "yeah, is that a porsche?"
You respond with "nah, any fool can drive a porsche, this is a SKYLINE!!" (you say SKYLINE with pride, after all, not everyone can be as cool as you and rock one!)
Just then, this motherfcker in a slammed, and I mean SLAMMED, like 2 inches off the ground slammed, skyline pulls up behind you. The light goes green and he manages to get next to the hotties at the next light.
He lays the mack on, a regular Casanova, or so you think. Then you realize the girls arent interested in his cheesy pick up lines, they're interested in his stance. You hear one of the girls exclaim "Wow! Thats so LOW!!!"
to which he replies "as low as a porn stars morals"
Her eyes go wide, and in the rearview mirror you see her write her number down on a piece of paper and hand it to this clown that just moved in on your territory. You think to yourself, "well fck, what a joke!"
Just then you get a genius idea, the best fcking idea you've had since you decided to be a mad tyte JDM hardparker and buy your skyline. You're going to buy some cheap @ss coilovers and slam the sht outta your car.
You check craigslist, none available. You call some local shops, $1300 IS THE CHEAPEST YOU HAVE IN STOCK?!?! you yell into the phone.
You're on craigslist, being glum and all. Then you stumble across the "Zeal Coilovers".
Suddenly the light in your head goes on. This is just what I need! you think to yourself. 50?! Yeah, thats a good fcking price alright!!! You decide to lowball the seller. "Ill give you 50" you say.
He replies "50 and not a cent lower."
"Done," you reply.
Next week your cruising around in your slammed, and I mean SLAMMED, skyline when you come across those girls again. You get their numbers, and then Chuck Norris, yes, thats right, CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS, gives you the greatest high-five of your life. You live happily ever after.



Note: Fronts are leaking, hence such a low price. Rears are sold.<!-- START CLTAGS -->


and lastly,

http://www.antilag.com/forums/showthread.php?29491-S13-Silvia-URAS-Rear-Bar-amp-SIde-Skirts-SParco-Fixed-Back&highlight=

:p

Crispymk2
14-10-2011, 02:42 PM
tl;dr

blaize
16-10-2011, 03:34 AM
like a baws. just laughed so fucking hard haha