peter_piper
15-09-2010, 05:32 PM
Well, here I am. I see problems, and I intend to fix them. Here's a list of road rule changes which I see can only benefit the general populus:
1. 100km/h MINIMUM in school zones. That's right. 120km/h maximum. Having a 40km/h speed zone only exascerbates pedophilic activity by making the said pedophiles slow down so they can have a fap to our kids. Make them do 100, that way they can't even finish themselves off before hitting a tree or some parked car. Hopefully the velocity will be enough to kill them. Besides, higher speed limits mean less injuries for kids. If you hit a kid at 40, you're going to fuck them up, not kill them. More velocity means less injuries and therefore less hospital beds taken up. Also, ever tried to abduct a kid from the side of the road at 120km/h? It is Fucking. Impossible. Even with a Commodore. Get these pingpingpingpings out of school zones and into graves as quickly as possible.
2. 20km/h MAX in beach and coastal zones. You dont want to be doing 60km/h and crash while you're staring at that blonde chick in a g-string bouncing her titties as she walks. THIS is where the speed limit should be reduced, as we all know the temptation to be distracted. Lower the speed limits here and we will all be happy.
3. Right lane on freeways open speed limit, but minimum 160m/h. AND, if someone thinks they're tuff and pulls in front of you to slow you down, you now have the right to do the same to them, slam on the skids and stop them. Then you are given complete permission to smack the shit out of them, or smack them until the appropriate amount of sense is driven into their pre-evolved brains. Keep the right lane open for people who genuinely need to get the fuck somewhere in a hurry. That includes police and emergency services.
4. No more red lights and stupid shit. You know you. You know you car, making an informed decision about when to cross an intersection is not a difficult thing to do. I don't see much point in my waiting 3 fucking minutes at a red light just because nobody is coming the other way and it is CLEARLY safe to cross.
EDIT: this is supplimented by SPEED LIMITS. If you see an approaching car you can ASSUME they're not doing 320km/h (if they're not in the right lane, of course), and thus can take action to change direction properly without fear of impact. Besides, if you're doing 320km/h and some prick is pulling into your lane, doesn't your instinct tell you to fucking change lanes? Avoiding accidents?
Kinda reminds me of the pedestrian pingpingpingpings who rock up at the crosswalk, hit the button, know it's safe to cross and cross anyway.
5. People who unnecessarily hit the pedestrian crossing buttons shall be shot on sight. That's right. If you've got 5 kids, or are old and enfeebled, disabled, blind, whatever. Hit the button and we will wait for you. But those retarded teenagers and what not who have the compulsion to hit the fucking thing, then walk across anyway, stopping me unnecessarily at the lights need to be removed from the gene pool. With this solution, I expect this problem to dissipate within a single generation.
6. ANYONE, I don't care who you are, that pisses you off on the road by doing stupid shit of no fault of your own deserves to be bricked in the face repeatedly until change of state of consciousness / breathing. This is a law i'm working on, so far it's fairly open ended, but the message is still sound: don't be an inconsiderate fuckwit on the road and the chances you will come home to your family without bruises will dramatically increase.
7. Multinovas. Make them target Commodores only. We all know that when you drive a Commode, an instantaneous imaginary Driver's License of Gayness is delivered to the driver, whereby they believe they can get away with any dickheadery conceivably possible. (THIS LAW IS NOW BEING REVISED THANKS TO THE INPUT OF wormbo2 (http://antilag.com/forums/member.php?u=20977)).
7a. Ammendment: Make Multinovas ONLY TARGET POLICE CARS. That's right. If you're a Policeperson you should be setting an example, not flaunting your position of power. IF you are speeding with your lights on, and can validate a chase or a good enough reason for exceeding the speed limit, (say a murder, or a rape etc) you will be fine. If you're doing it just to rush to Maccas before the Breakfast shedule is over, then it's hoon law crush car for you mr fuckwit. If you're putting your lights on and speeding to catch a hoon, not a burglary, nor rape, nor murder, nor anything else in this category, then you mr plodd need to be hoon lawed and crushed too. Set an example. Let the police know they can't be fuckwits in their cars, just as we cannot.
8. A MANDITORY 1 joint, 2 gram Marijuana Cigarettes to be distributed to all certified drivers over the age of 21 whom are travelling between 1-50km. From 51-150km it will be a manditory second joint of the same capacity at the halfway interval of the journey. The amount of joints rise accordingly as the distance grows. The joint is to be smoked carefully and slowly before the driving takes place.
This will do several things:
Stop our money going to Police from multinovas (especially if Rule 7 doesnt get implimented). No more speeding fines. No more road rage. IF and when you have an accident, the parties involved will not be at high enough velocity to damage people/property enough to warrant insurance claims, hospital/morgue visits. Happy people everywhere. It will also piss the police off to the extent where they will have to make new bullshit laws to raise revenue. I am at two minds about this law as I can see it working, but on the other side of the coin, see it potentially fucking things up further for everyone.
I will add more as I think of them, and I welcome anyone here to add to this list. I will be petitioning the government with a completed list by Monday the 27th of September. Then I hope to run for parliament. Then hopefully Prime Minister of Anus. Hopefully after then I can rule the world and reign logic, sensibility and compassion onto you all.
Yeah dude, I rock.
Disclaimer: If you do not understand satire, or are taking life far too seriously, please refrain from replying in this thread. This is meant to be a satirical representation of the pseudo-comedy already found thread by thread not only here, but on the entire internet.
1. 100km/h MINIMUM in school zones. That's right. 120km/h maximum. Having a 40km/h speed zone only exascerbates pedophilic activity by making the said pedophiles slow down so they can have a fap to our kids. Make them do 100, that way they can't even finish themselves off before hitting a tree or some parked car. Hopefully the velocity will be enough to kill them. Besides, higher speed limits mean less injuries for kids. If you hit a kid at 40, you're going to fuck them up, not kill them. More velocity means less injuries and therefore less hospital beds taken up. Also, ever tried to abduct a kid from the side of the road at 120km/h? It is Fucking. Impossible. Even with a Commodore. Get these pingpingpingpings out of school zones and into graves as quickly as possible.
2. 20km/h MAX in beach and coastal zones. You dont want to be doing 60km/h and crash while you're staring at that blonde chick in a g-string bouncing her titties as she walks. THIS is where the speed limit should be reduced, as we all know the temptation to be distracted. Lower the speed limits here and we will all be happy.
3. Right lane on freeways open speed limit, but minimum 160m/h. AND, if someone thinks they're tuff and pulls in front of you to slow you down, you now have the right to do the same to them, slam on the skids and stop them. Then you are given complete permission to smack the shit out of them, or smack them until the appropriate amount of sense is driven into their pre-evolved brains. Keep the right lane open for people who genuinely need to get the fuck somewhere in a hurry. That includes police and emergency services.
4. No more red lights and stupid shit. You know you. You know you car, making an informed decision about when to cross an intersection is not a difficult thing to do. I don't see much point in my waiting 3 fucking minutes at a red light just because nobody is coming the other way and it is CLEARLY safe to cross.
EDIT: this is supplimented by SPEED LIMITS. If you see an approaching car you can ASSUME they're not doing 320km/h (if they're not in the right lane, of course), and thus can take action to change direction properly without fear of impact. Besides, if you're doing 320km/h and some prick is pulling into your lane, doesn't your instinct tell you to fucking change lanes? Avoiding accidents?
Kinda reminds me of the pedestrian pingpingpingpings who rock up at the crosswalk, hit the button, know it's safe to cross and cross anyway.
5. People who unnecessarily hit the pedestrian crossing buttons shall be shot on sight. That's right. If you've got 5 kids, or are old and enfeebled, disabled, blind, whatever. Hit the button and we will wait for you. But those retarded teenagers and what not who have the compulsion to hit the fucking thing, then walk across anyway, stopping me unnecessarily at the lights need to be removed from the gene pool. With this solution, I expect this problem to dissipate within a single generation.
6. ANYONE, I don't care who you are, that pisses you off on the road by doing stupid shit of no fault of your own deserves to be bricked in the face repeatedly until change of state of consciousness / breathing. This is a law i'm working on, so far it's fairly open ended, but the message is still sound: don't be an inconsiderate fuckwit on the road and the chances you will come home to your family without bruises will dramatically increase.
7. Multinovas. Make them target Commodores only. We all know that when you drive a Commode, an instantaneous imaginary Driver's License of Gayness is delivered to the driver, whereby they believe they can get away with any dickheadery conceivably possible. (THIS LAW IS NOW BEING REVISED THANKS TO THE INPUT OF wormbo2 (http://antilag.com/forums/member.php?u=20977)).
7a. Ammendment: Make Multinovas ONLY TARGET POLICE CARS. That's right. If you're a Policeperson you should be setting an example, not flaunting your position of power. IF you are speeding with your lights on, and can validate a chase or a good enough reason for exceeding the speed limit, (say a murder, or a rape etc) you will be fine. If you're doing it just to rush to Maccas before the Breakfast shedule is over, then it's hoon law crush car for you mr fuckwit. If you're putting your lights on and speeding to catch a hoon, not a burglary, nor rape, nor murder, nor anything else in this category, then you mr plodd need to be hoon lawed and crushed too. Set an example. Let the police know they can't be fuckwits in their cars, just as we cannot.
8. A MANDITORY 1 joint, 2 gram Marijuana Cigarettes to be distributed to all certified drivers over the age of 21 whom are travelling between 1-50km. From 51-150km it will be a manditory second joint of the same capacity at the halfway interval of the journey. The amount of joints rise accordingly as the distance grows. The joint is to be smoked carefully and slowly before the driving takes place.
This will do several things:
Stop our money going to Police from multinovas (especially if Rule 7 doesnt get implimented). No more speeding fines. No more road rage. IF and when you have an accident, the parties involved will not be at high enough velocity to damage people/property enough to warrant insurance claims, hospital/morgue visits. Happy people everywhere. It will also piss the police off to the extent where they will have to make new bullshit laws to raise revenue. I am at two minds about this law as I can see it working, but on the other side of the coin, see it potentially fucking things up further for everyone.
I will add more as I think of them, and I welcome anyone here to add to this list. I will be petitioning the government with a completed list by Monday the 27th of September. Then I hope to run for parliament. Then hopefully Prime Minister of Anus. Hopefully after then I can rule the world and reign logic, sensibility and compassion onto you all.
Yeah dude, I rock.
Disclaimer: If you do not understand satire, or are taking life far too seriously, please refrain from replying in this thread. This is meant to be a satirical representation of the pseudo-comedy already found thread by thread not only here, but on the entire internet.