Texts from last night

[stumps.]

Same delio as FML

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com

(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?




(760): Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
(912): What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
(760): I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.





(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

[Smoked]

LOOOL that last ones fucking hilarious lol.
there are some things we keep to ourselves brian. gold!

[stumps.]

Im not doing any work at all today this is some funny shit

(678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
(770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way

[JBAE]

this could be numerous antilag members at any given festival


(716): I'm eating all of the evidence.

[miss_petepie]

bahahhahahha thats funny as!!

[JBAE]

(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
(918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
(405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.





(917): I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
(740): enter at your own risk

[Kilma]

Some gold in there. Far too many stoners around. I think I shall be adding it to my daily list of sites to visit for a laugh.

[Kilma]

(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

Ben's submission

(925): i think i just met the girl of my dreams. someone made a serious statement about rape and she said "pish posh, i love surprise sex"

Paul's submission

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

[JBAE]

(203): How did you manage that?
(860): Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
(203): lol... jersey girls rock

[josky]

"(269): Yup u can hook up with me now and not go to jail" - Amazing!

"(248): wat u doin
(1-248): Its 3:34 AM, what do you think I'm doing? SLEEPING. what are YOU doing is the question..
(248): Oh tight im jus chillin, how u been
(1-248): I'm going to save you some time, I'm not coming over to engage in high risk sex with you.
(248): Oh its like that?
(248): hater "

[stumps.]

(703): someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...

[Mistikal]

(602 ): Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
(602): no jk, not my room

[Mistikal]

(513): do you believe in love at first sight?
(1-513): awwwwww =)
(513): yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!

Hahahahahahahahahaha... nicely played!