Roobiks
29-09-2008, 10:27 PM
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were
posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how
do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just
sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much
you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's
true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did
your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn
180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the
directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers
like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is
that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) A: You are a British
politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where
YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely
handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop
Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the
brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant
numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will
still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but
you'll have to learn it first
posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how
do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just
sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much
you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's
true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did
your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn
180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the
directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers
like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is
that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) A: You are a British
politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where
YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely
handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop
Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the
brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant
numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will
still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but
you'll have to learn it first